AISubs v3.7
To all the fans who are cheering for me,
Japan is Cha-Cha Suzuki Mob.
I wrote a letter to convey my feelings correctly.
Please give me a little time.
I will talk about heavy topics, so if you are not good at it, please refrain from watching.
I went to the Budokan for the first time in three years when I made my debut.
I couldn't achieve this.
I'm sorry for breaking your expectations.
And if this dream doesn't come true, it will be disbanded.
I was told that I couldn't go to the Budokan at the end of the year.
When I was told, I felt like time had stopped and I couldn't accept it right away.
The shock was so strong that after a few days of fluffy sensations,
I fell hard and couldn't stop crying every day.
And my body condition deteriorated.
As Suzuki Mob of Japan is Cha-Cha,
I kept running with all my might for three years to make this dream come true.
Sometimes I threw away my daily life and my precious things.
Before I talk about my future intentions,
Please listen to me a little about what happened before I became Suzuki Mob of Japan is Cha-Cha.
Since elementary school, I have been scared, shy, and not particularly talented in anime and otaku.
I was just an ordinary kid.
In middle school, I had a strange hobby of singing anison on a small stage in Osaka because of my parents' job.
In the past, I had a dream of becoming an anison singer,
but I was afraid of trying and breaking, so I gave up everything before I tried.
When I was in high school, I gave up that hobby and studied hard every day just to go to college.
I wasn't the type of person who could work hard or had any talent, I was just an ordinary kid.
My hobby of singing anisong resumed at college, and I'm not particularly good at singing, but I started with a light feeling of having fun for four years until I got a job.
In the future, I wanted to start my own business, so I started a pongashi shop under my parents' influence, and I've been flowing and living as it is.
I never thought life was fun or unhappy in particular, everything is normal and boring, and I choose a safe path without making big adjustments.
More than anything else, I was afraid of death, and this is my 20 years.
This is me in the past, and it was just three years ago.
When I was 20, I happened to be invited to an idol group.
That's what Japan is like.
President Ippei and leader Nozomi were the ones who invited me to the idol group.
What these two have in common is that they have such regrettable feelings that they couldn't fulfill their dreams.
I've lived safe and sound, and I've never pursued my dreams, so I didn't know much about their frustrations.
But I knew they were serious about it.
If that's the case, I decided to risk my life once out of curiosity.
And I became a Suzuki mom.
Even those who easily chased their dreams have increased since their debut.
2020.03.28 debut.
Three days later, I can't perform because of an emergency declaration.
Every day I gather at the office, disband at nine at night, sometimes until midnight.
I buy a macbook with my own money, and for posting videos every day, I edit unplanned planned videos.
Shooting, daily distribution, dance lessons. For six months, I really didn't take a day off.
And human power, lack of social power. Sometimes I was scolded and beaten by the president every day for being unreasonable, and my heart and body were quite paralysed.
It's been six months and the fans are less than twenty people.
No result. Somehow, somehow, it's hard to continue.
There were also members who quit. It was a natural environment for me to quit.
At the time, I was also at my limit. As a result of thinking about it, I decided in myself that I would quit if I couldn't gather 100 people a year later and told the president in a conversation.
Instead, in order to gather 100 people, no matter how terrible the environment is, no matter how difficult it is, I will do my best and decide not to run away.
So, no matter how painful it is, no matter how angry I am, no matter what the result is, I did my best without touching it.
A month later, I happened to appear in a live performance at Tarui Beach, and from the fact that I have a big butt to the average view count of YouTube up to now was 100 times, 100 times or less.
The number of videos went up to 1,000 times, it became profitable, and the number of followers increased by 1,000 units, and I felt like I had finally made up for the effort I had worked hard for six months.
With that momentum, a year later, I was able to gather more than 100 people at a live house in Osaka called "big cat".
At that time, I thought that effort is the goal.
From that point on, the group's goal has been to swing in Budokan for three years, and we have decided to run desperately.
No matter how hard I thought about it, I clung to it desperately.
In Osaka, where I gathered 100 people, a year later, I decided to drop out of college and move to Tokyo.
There were less than ten fans.
The local fans who supported me in Tokyo gave me only one hand.
Even the anti-fans who abandoned Osaka have changed.
There are almost no fans in the area.
Even if I do a live show, they don't even give me a flyer.
At one live show, there were even three flyers.
"After all, it was reckless to go to Tokyo," many people said.
That's right.
It's not Budokan.
I thought it was dangerous, asked the president to make this YouTube channel for me, and made a TikTok and made various efforts.
With the increasing number of fans little by little, like last year, we were able to increase the number of live shows on Tarui Beach for two consecutive years.
I remember being a little frustrated and cutting out my own videos and being desperate for the second year's butt show.
Using this second year's buzzer, I further strengthened YouTube, increased members, and did everything I could.
While watching other idols do their debut live on Zepp in detail and frustration, I learned about the current situation, analyzed it, and repeated my actions.
I couldn't sleep at night every day for a year due to the situation.
I drink and make myself sleep.
In a violent way.
My cheeks were swollen and my gills were sticking out. I still remember it.
I will summarize the third year, but Japan, which took off, was an even longer year for us.
For three years, I worked hard every day to the point where I was proud that there were no days when I didn't work hard.
I was also hit by the reality of my lack of talent and how hard it is to work hard.
I'm sorry for the long self-story.
I spent these three years.
However, no matter how hard you try, you will not be able to go to the Budokan as a result of now.
At that time, I felt like I understood how painful the feelings of Ippei-san and Nozomi-san were.
A dream that doesn't come true. Pain.
There is not a day when I let go of my hand to go to the Budokan.
Reality that has been beaten for half a year since my debut.
I don't have a number, money, money, position, or talent to go to the Budokan.
I threw away my holiday, reduced my sleep time, and threw away my money, pride, and happiness.
I studied and analyzed what was lacking and tried and failed over and over again.
Sometimes I read management books, marketing books, and entertainment books and learned.
I wrote down all the ideas I came up with and practiced them over and over again.
On a day when complete luck and genius are popularized, I look at the number that I can't catch up with and look at reality and review it.
If you don't move as the world thinks, you'll be complained about, and every time you run out of it, a new challenge will be fought.
Even my friends and fans told me that I was uncool if I was saved many times by a coincidence.
But I still desperately thought I could beat unreasonable people.
Relatives, partners, sometimes even fans.
"No, set a goal that seems to reach more." "It's absolutely impossible." "I don't have the talent." "I'm going around alone."
I was told a lot. But I still thought my dream would come true with effort.
Days when I kept relying on alcohol, days when I got only a little result, days when I couldn't challenge because I was scared, days when I suddenly cried because it was painful,
There were many days, but I was able to continue running with all my might for the only purpose of definitely going to Budokan.
Until November 2022, when the third year was approaching, I hadn't given up until I was about to get a chance by adding a new project such as Siri Sponsor.
Until just a few months ago, I thought that effort could achieve a goal.
Effort did not make dreams come true.
My three years...
I couldn't make my dream come true, and I couldn't get results.
Your talent and effort couldn't go to Budokan in three years.
Yes, reality has correctly evaluated me.
Stop it.
The dream I chased until I was so tired.
God has made the right decision.
Even so, with the momentum I ran with all my might for three years,
without giving up on the fact that it was impossible,
even after confirming that it was impossible,
unconsciously heading for my goal,
conscious of streaming and making videos,
a calm self trying to stop it,
a conflicting heart.
Entering Machacha,
until now,
I hardly let out wind or heat,
but as I was told that I couldn't go to Budokan,
I gradually lost weight.
Stomach, fever, wind,
a sense of duty I've never tasted,
no strength to do anything,
a month that my heart and body don't move as I thought,
I can't stop crying in the morning,
a day that forces me to continue my life activities for food.
To my family, friends, fans, members, and the president who are looking forward to me and supporting me,
a sense of duty that I can't rely on anyone and makes me victimized,
honestly, I made me think that I would end my life like this.
The calm me that remained a little stopped me.
This feeling is wrong.
In a dazed consciousness, I tried my best to carry out the scheduled schedule, but my head didn't turn.
I thought it was really bad, and with all my strength, I went to the office and asked the president for help.
"Please listen to me," I faced the president and naturally said one word.
After all, I want to go to the real estate agency.
For the first time, I collapsed in front of the president.
The result was that I couldn't give up my dream.
I was surprised that these words came out.
I couldn't stop crying. It was like hell.
As if calling me out, the president said one word.
"Let's do it for another year." The president also cried a little.
Japan, which was supposed to disband as it is, is going away.
I wasn't the only one who was trying.
I'm sure the president and the members are the same.
It's frustrating and frustrating and I can't stand it.
For 20 years, I've been normal.
Since when did I become a Suzuki mobile with such passion?
I thought I was a normal human being who could judge calmly and safely.
Since when did I start to live with such passion?
I can finally get back to the main subject.
In Japan, we couldn't go to the Budokan for three years.
And...
Please, let me go to the Budokan one more time as Suzuki Mob of Nippon Watcha-cha.
After I decided to go to the Budokan one more time, I talked a lot with myself to get back on my feet.
For the first time in my life, I talked for two months with such a deep heart.
What am I living for? What is right? Why did I get that much energy for three years?
The only reason I finished my dream like this is because I like to entertain people.
The only reason I finished my dream like this is because there were fans who at least enjoyed it.
Then, in one year, I decided not only to work hard as hard as I did, but also to make as many people as possible enjoy it.
The only reason I wanted to go to the Budokan was not because of my longing for the Budokan, but because I wanted to make as many people as possible enjoy it.
I will do my best not to fall from my goal in the remaining year.
No, I will enjoy it.
I'm not asking you to cheer me up.
Even now, every time I remember that I couldn't go to the Budokan, my hands shake and I remember frustration.
To the people who were too desperate to hurt me.
I'm really sorry about that.
Even so, the feelings of the fans who have supported us to take us to the martial arts school or to make fun of us and look back on us...
Even now, I want to support you. I just want to enjoy it, so I'll follow you. I'll do my best to repay you for saying that.
Is there still a lot of things that I have to grow up and mature in? Please let me chase my dream as Suzuki Mogu again.
Even if it doesn't come true next time, I'll make it the best year ever so that I don't think it'll disappear.
Thank you so much for supporting me, getting involved with me, and finding me for three years.
Please give me a new year.
Suzuki Mogu...